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"I Wanna Eat Taylor Swift's Heart"-- Supernatural: Bloodlines Pilot

So last night the backdoor pilot for Supernatural: Bloodlines aired! Spoilers below Ennis Roth looking pensively out at the water.

Illustration for article titled I Wanna Eat Taylor Swifts Heart-- Supernatural: Bloodlines Pilot

So the episode starts out with Ennis about to propose to his girlfriend Tamara in a swanky restaurant, when the host blows him off to lead his monster friends back to the spooky monster bar in the back. Very True Blood! Stylish shapeshifter Sal tries to tell menacing werewolf Julian to blow off, and Julian delivers the sass:

"Well, I wanna eat Taylor Swift's heart, but we can't always get what we want."

Sal shoots back that werewolves are all just "sons of bitches" anyway—points to Sal for accuracy!


All this clannish werewolves and shifters hate each other banter is interrupted by Julian's hasty departure, and all of a sudden shit gets weird. A clawed, hooded figure starts slashing all the monsters up! Sal trips out into the street clutching his wound, looking like a fancy lawyer who can't believe somebody had the nerve to stab him, thus interrupting Ennis's proposal AGAIN. Sheesh, Sal! It's not all about you!

Of course the monster is in hot pursuit and Tamara gets mowed down, because if our pretty hero's pretty girlfriend doesn't die how will he be inspired to fight monsters? They did it for John and Sam, might as well do it for Ennis too!


Enter David Lassiter, Sal's cuter brother who uses his shapeshifting powers to steal tests. So the setup has become clear: David's brother and Ennis's girlfriend have been killed by the same faceless monster, and they're both going to be out for blood. Margo and Julian hate each other, David and Violet have history—it's all very Romeo and Juliet (and Romeo's human frenemy?).

Ennis is trying out his hunter-sleuth skills, following in his father's footsteps, when it's Dean and Sam to the rescue! After they give Ennis The Talk, he goes home and meets David, who's impersonating his cop friend. Important question: hasn't it already been established that shapeshifters change shape by ripping all their skin off? I guess they decided to do away with that because of how nasty it was. David and Ennis chat for a bit, and when David scarpers, Ennis runs after him but since David can literally look like anyone, it's not exactly hard for him to hide in plain sight.


Our next scene sees pretty much everyone converging at Julian Duvall's place. Violet and David have an angsty interlude, then she gets snatched by the monster and this unlikely crew suddenly has to work together. Nothing like a dead or kidnapped girlfriend to motivate your straight, handsome protagonist!

We cut to Violet, chained up in the monster's lair...but he isn't a monster after all—he's a human! Humans are the real villains is a concept we've seen on Supernatural before, although a werewolf as the damsel in distress might be new. He's on this revenge trip, convinced that Sal and Julian teamed up to kill his son, and he's determined to sow as much chaos as possible. With such bitter feuds between its ruling families Chicago is a powder keg, and he wants to light the match.


He captures and threatens David, and finally a spark of anger flares in Violet's eyes. She's been downtrodden by her family, running from her love for David and allowing other people to call the shots for far too long. In a moment of sublime badassery, she shifts, hulks out of her chains, and leaps onto her captor with a vicious snarl! #teamviolet

Sam, Dean, and Ennis show up precisely too late to be useful, and the crazy man begins his monologue. He tries to apologize for killing Tamara, but Ennis isn't having it. "I only see one monster here," he retorts before putting the man down with a single shot.


We find out via flashback that Sal's apology to David was in reference to convincing Violet not to run off with him, because "pure bloodlines" are the most important thing of all. How Voldemort of him! She doesn't tell David this, probably wanting to preserve his memory of Sal intact. Honestly, Sal seemed like kind of a douchebag, but whatever.

It looks like Julian is going to have his hands full keeping Margo from starting a war. Her makeup game is fierce, but damn that girl wants to kill people! She seems pretty crudely drawn so far but we'll see how it develops. Violet, on the other hand, has potential in the story of how she begins to find her strength.


Finally, a shocking twist! Ennis's dead dad calls him on the phone to tell him hunting is too dangerous, a bit which feels kind of familiar by now. You dad is dead! Just kidding—he's a hunter! Just kidding—he's a ghost! WHATEVER, SUPERNATURAL. That show has the worst daddy issues.

Overall, I am intrigued by the monster Godfather premise and look forward to seeing what happens next, especially a bunch of unlikely duo buddy cop scenes between our pretty heroes. My main hope at this point is that the show figures out how to develop its female characters and keep them interesting. We'll see!


Other Highlights:

  • "Monster cops?"
  • A bag of meat labeled "Susan"
  • Obligatory "what we do—it's messed up" speech from Sam, whose hair is terrible. I SAID IT.
  • "The Djinn own the South Side."
  • "What is this, Godfather with fangs?" To me, this moment felt like when Gunn from Angel said their lives had become "a turgid supernatural soap opera." Way to point out what the rest of us have known for ages you guys!
  • "Sometimes you gotta work with the bad guys to get to the worse guys"—a reference to Dean's relationship with Crowley, perhaps?
  • I just realized I hate Sal because he's the creepy cop who's constantly harassing Hannah on Pretty Little Liars.
  • Ennis's dramatic voiceover and montage scene really reminds me of Angel for some reason. Must be the gritty, urban approach to solving organized monster crime. There's got to be at least one high-powered law firm at the beck and call of these monsters, right? Perhaps Chicago's own Wolfram and Hart?


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